January 2013

Answering Your Search Term Questions

on Jan 29,2013 - 6 Comments -

There are few time-wasters more entertaining than crawling through the sometimes bizarre search terms people use to find their way to your website. In an effort to help out some of the lost internet wanderers that have ended up here looking for answers, I’ll tackle a few directly. All search terms sic.

140. “whete can i get hopshot in san diego?”

A true riddle, this one. I haven’t found any homebrew shops that carry them, so I’d try your nearest dispensary.

139. “what is the need of finance in modern times”

Good question, especially in light of the industry’s blithe disregard for business ethics. I say we do away with finance entirely and adopt a gift economy like the original Modern Times colonists.

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Dreaming About The Future

on Jan 27,2013 - 50 Comments -

An interested observer recently emailed me with a few questions about what I have planned for Modern Times in the short and medium term after we open. With his permission, I’ve chosen to answer here on the blog since others might be interested in the answers too.

Our inquisitor starts off by saying, “I’m rather curious where you foresee Modern Times after the honeymoon period,” which immediately made me think, “We should be so lucky!”

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Modern Times Beer: Taste The Robot

on Jan 23,2013 - 15 Comments -

Note: some people seem to be confused about the tone of this blog post and are taking it entirely too seriously. Travis is a friend of mine and this is just me giving my friend shit because that’s how friends amuse each other sometimes.

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What Will Make Modern Times Different? Part 4

on Jan 22,2013 - 2 Comments -

Our stunning can designs.

Press Release

Modern Times Beer and Helms Workshop are proud to unveil the stunningly gorgeous can designs that will represent the brewery on retail shelves in 2013.

“Classic, vibrant, and oozing panache, these are the cans to drink while installing an Eames chair in your vintage Alfa Romeo lowrider. This packaging will upstage your favorite tiki mug. They are so devastatingly tasteful, a koozie would be a crime,” says Jacob McKean, founder of Modern Times.

The result of a painstaking collaborative process, the cans will house Modern Times’ four year-round beers: Fortunate Islands, a hoppy wheat beer; Black House, an oatmeal coffee stout; Blazing World, an amber IPA; and Lomaland, a food-friendly saison.

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What Will Make Modern Times Different? Pt. 3

on Jan 15,2013 - 13 Comments -

Our beer will not be brewed with the finest all-natural ingredients, nor will it be made by hand. These are meaningless clichés trotted out when a brand has nothing to say. There is no “natural” or “unnatural” malt. “Finest” doesn’t mean anything. And the notion that commercial beer is made by hand—or that “handmade” is a positive attribute in beer—is a fallacy.

Let’s take it one word at a time.

What is gained by using “finest”? Nothing is gained. It cannot possibly make a positive impression on a single shopper. And the absence of “finest” does not lead one to assume that a product is made with shit ingredients. There are no grades of brewing ingredients, there are only the personal preferences of the brewer.

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What Will Make Modern Times Different? Pt. 2

on Jan 07,2013 - 5 Comments -

Modern Times will not be the beer for surfers, or rock climbers, or video gamers, or dog lovers, or kabuki fans, or furries, or firemen, or folkies, or indie rockers, or rude boys, or jugglos, or steampunks, or metrosexuals, or greasers, or hippies, or teddy boys, or cosplayers.

Modern Times will not be the brand of the urban lifestyle, or the rural lifestyle, or the outdoor lifestyle, or the indoor lifestyle, or the minimalist lifestyle, or the maximalist lifestyle, or the vampire lifestyle, or the authentic California lifestyle.

Modern Times will not make condescending appeals to women—who marketers seem to believe are fans of the pink lifestyle—nor will it make appeals to bros with misogynist imagery or awful anatomical puns.

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What Will Make Modern Times Different? Pt. 1

on Jan 06,2013 - 1 Comments -

By now you’ve undoubtedly read the San Diego CityBeat cover story, “19 Places To Keep An Eye On In 2013”, in which Modern Times is listed #3 (above City Hall, as one commenter noted).

When I was contacted for the story, the email asked “What will set Modern Times apart from the other breweries springing up?”, to which I responded with a lavish five point dissertation on the brewery’s future specialness. Sadly, none of that brilliant content made its way into the article, so I will subject you to it here in serialized and expanded form.

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