Modern Times Announces Revolutionary New “Hard Seltzer” Beverage Style
Modern Times is utterly thrilled to announce to the world that—through a series of scientific breakthroughs and utilizing the bleeding edge of beverage technology—we have been able to successfully produce carbonated, alcoholic fruit water. After hours of fearless brainstorming and careful deliberation, we’ve decided to call this marvel of liquid innovation “hard seltzer.” Thus, we proudly announce: The Bubble Party Hard hard seltzer mixed-pack.
While the successful creation of just one flavor of this utterly novel modernization of party technology would have been cause for celebration, our beer scientists were not content to rest on their laurels, synthesizing not one, but four staggeringly-tasty, fruit-laden options for your adult beveraging pleasure, all available in one incredibly convenient box.
This gorgeously appointed treasure chest contains a jaw-dropping nexus of fruity refreshment. Outrageously delightful flavors of tangerine, cucumber-lime, grapefruit, and cloudberry ensorcel the taste buds and soothe the soul, each can more crushable than the last. Prepare your body and mind to enter a fruit-filled dimension of epic chillness.
While we realize that forging a path into an entirely new and untapped beverage category is a bold strategy, we have full confidence that—once people taste this 5% ABV marvel of flavor-science—they’re going to be totally onboard. Honestly, we wouldn’t be surprised to see other beverage companies start making their own in the near future.
If this sounds like your kind of party, you can scope your nearest distributor, or just email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll be happy to help out. Enjoy, and be excellent to each other.